The perils of ostracism

Feeling ostracised is one of the most powerful emotions that anyone can experience.

When you are ostracised you feel rejected, excluded from the group, low self-esteem and prone to seeking revenge.

You know that feeling well from when someone important to you didn’t reply to an email or a phone call. You are waiting on their answer or response.  First you start to get paranoid and worry that they have changed their mind about helping you. Later you ignore them yourself and finally you may seek to get petty revenge.

In reality what has probably happened is that they were just busy and despite good intent didn’t get round to it.

You need to learn to handle your feelings of ostracism and keep in touch with people.

Also, you need to understand the effects of ostracism on your staff, contractors and suppliers.

Apparently it only takes two weeks to turn a high achiever into a nervous wreck with low self-esteem. All you have to do is ignore a few comments or contributions in meetings, and talk to everyone else but that person.

Examples of subtle biases include male managers in male dominant teams trying to avoid offending female staff so they don’t talk to them as with other staff,  or locals not knowing to talk to foreign/immigrant workers who end up feeling like a permanent outsider. The most vicious form is female on female bullying which is mostly about deliberate ostracism and exclusion – often by whole groups.

So reign in your own reactions and be mindful of your interactions with others.