“If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston S.
Churchill
Jessica looked more than exhausted when she walked into the
coffee shop, looking around slowly before spotting me and walking over. Late the
night before I answered the phone to hear a tired voice say, “Can we catch up.
It’s all just going shit. I’ve had some wins along with the crap, but I can’t
take joy in anything right now. Half of my people have quit or plan to quit. How
long does this keep going for?’
Have you ever noticed how sometimes people seem to shrink, or
seem smaller than they are. I see this all the time. This isn’t about
depression, this is about what happens to someone when they get up every single
day and fight their way through it only to wake up the next day and do it
again. With the stresses of being the person who leads a startup into the
unknown and squarely shoulders the burden of all the uncertainties about the
business model, funding and the future the founder can become ‘compressed’ –
like they are under pressure from all sides and just shrink. Even worse is when
they are also dealing with personal grief, whether it is a relationship
breakup, a loved one dying from cancer or major illness.
Jessica was compressed – and clearly suffering from the adrenal
exhaustion that comes from 10 cups of coffee a day for weeks at a time.
“We had some great wins lately. We have signed up a new
alliance which will double the size of our customer base in 12 months. This is brilliant news.” Sighing, she
continued. “Our existing customers are playing silly buggers and paying late.
Some are discounting their payments until we add more functionality, even
though there is no product in the world that can offer a fraction of what ours
does. Don’t they understand contract law? All my lawyer friends won’t do any
more pro bono for me, so I can’t even sabre rattle properly. I have trouble
meeting payroll because of this. My credit cards are maxed out, my husband has
loaned me every penny he has, even worse, I took money from my grandmother. Can
you believe that? I hate myself. She has so little, and she’s been through so
much in her life, but when she heard how bad things were for me she wrote a
check. I hate myself for accepting that check. I am no longer the person I
thought I’d be.”
This is not an untypical episode in the life of a startup
founder, and of all the people I know Jessica will get through this. She has that
famous ‘reality distortion field’ that people said of Steve Jobs, although it
was sputtering and sparking this morning. Normally she would have charmed half
of the people in the coffee shop with her charisma and stories, and had at
least one person ask about an internship. Not today.
I am fascinated by how some people like Jessica can persevere
when others simply collapse. Some people can persevere for a month, some for a
decade. It’s all a head game, and you can’t tell what is going on inside
somebody’s head from outside.
I have met triathletes and marathon runners whom I thought
had perseverance but couldn’t take the uncertainties of the startup life. We
are all told the importance of having routines, but sometimes the sports
obsessed can be obsessed with routine to the exclusion of the need for
flexibility that comes with running a startup.
I know mountaineers who have scaled peaks solo, and others
who have ridden half way across the world by bicycle through places people
rarely go. People who perform magnificent feats of endurance against all the
odds tend not to be good at dealing with people. They can shy away from the
emotional pain and disappointment that comes with relationships. It is quite
interesting to note that many of these admirable characters are clinically
depressed and use extreme adventures to self-medicate.
A clear warning sign of mental fragility is the over use of
inspirational quotes. A good quote can help us reframe a problem and change the
narrative, which is a good thing. There are a few quotes in this article, for
example. When someone fills their LinkedIn and Facebook pages with
inspirational quotes about leadership and optimism my first reaction is “Oh
crap, they aren’t doing well.” At which point I usually call and ask how they
are. Inspirational quotes should be like a hit of sugar that recharges us, not
a crutch we use to keep going.
Excessive alcohol consumption is likewise a temporary
crutch. It may dull the pain and help you sleep at night, but it also makes it
harder to get out of bed and face the day and do things which need to be done.
Talking about changing the world – an expected line from TED
speakers and young people in general – will win praise from all quarters and
may get you laid but will very rarely win funding from investors. Taking on all
the burdens of changing how people and society think and act is a good way to
absolutely destroy yourself and descend into cynicism and alcoholism.
Having brilliant ideas and expecting others to deliver is
also a warning sign of detachment from the realities of a startup. Many others
in the startup space have also made the comment that being the ideas man, while
good, is not sufficient. Startups are Darwinian in many ways. You may have a
group of founders starting off with equal shares and great enthusiasm, but six
months in, when half the team have been working 15 hour days delivering the
product, the one who tries to tell them what to do but can’t contribute is
going to be sidelined. Incoming investors often demand that such people are
given the shaft. Startups don’t need middle management.
If I had to define what I thought were indicators of true
grit in a founder I’d put it down to genuine optimism, and the desire to beat
your enemies.
To me genuine optimism is the belief that things will work
out and trying regardless of the doubts and fears in your head. Whether there
are genetic factors at play here I am not sure. To be a genuine optimist you
need to have been beaten down many times and still have the ability to get up. Or
as the 19th century satirist Ambrose Bierce put it “It is held with
greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into
adversity…”
In modern society positivity has become a quasi-religion. You
see many people who smile and enthusiastically accept every challenge when
talking to those above them in the food chain, but behind closed doors all that
optimism proves to be just a mask. People want to be seen as being positive and
a doer, especially in the month or two leading up to a performance review.
People in their twenties usually haven’t faced too much hardship so this is an
easy mask for them to wear. In our thirties and forties we take responsibility
for children, our parents and we often see our grandiose dreams crushed. If someone is still optimistic at 35 then
that’s a good sign that they are a keeper.
Speaking about having enemies means having rivals. It may
simply be a case of one-upmanship over friends or old university colleagues, a
fellow entrepreneur whom you feel is stealing too much of the limelight, or a
competing business. Enemies define us because every time we think that things
are working well, they come up with a new and better way to do things which we
then need to emulate and surpass.
“To be successful you need friends and to be very successful
you need enemies.” – Sidney Sheldon
Nothing can motivate us more than the need to beat a rival.
I am sure that next time I catch up with Jessica she will be
back to her normal self; she has true grit. I also know that many other startup
founders are going through the same and some of you will make it and others of
you won’t. No matter the case, forgive yourself for being human. When you are
tested it makes you stronger and even if you don’t end up being the next
Facebook or Uber millionaire, you are going to be better the next time you
start a business or take a job.
To end with yet another quote from quite possibly the most
quoteworthy individual in history.
“It is not enough that we do our best; sometime we must do
what is required.” – Winston S. Churchill
