At least act like you’re in charge

After a couple of decades of study into what makes a leader the conclusion is that a leader is somebody who other people follow. Peter Drucker may have said something to that effect.

I have been travelling for business for a few weeks now and have a couple of vignettes for you to highlight this.

Scene 1

I am sitting in the dining room at a major hotel in Asia and the CEO of a mid-sized US company walks into the room. The manager of the dining room is a strutting rooster of a stereotypical alpha male. He is in charge and his body language shows it.

When I walked in I deliberately ignored this manager, which is the kind of reaction you learn when working as a consultant to senior managers at large companies. If you want to swim with sharks you learn not to act like food. Okay, I was probably acting like an asshole – it happens sometimes.

However, this CEO reacted like he had been cornered by the school bully. He immediately showed non-threatening deference and submission, backed up a few steps and then asked permission to sit at a table in an almost empty restaurant. Whisky Tango Foxtrot!? was the first thing I thought when watching this playing out in front of me.

For all I know this guy is extremely successful, but he reverted to some long held behaviours. In the space of 5 seconds he had revealed all anyone needed to know – he doesn’t believe in his own ability and may in fact feel like an imposter.

Mind you, within 5 minutes he had spoken to every good looking lady in the room…. hmmm…. maybe he is used to presenting himself as non-threatening.

Scene 2

I am at a restaurant in another Asian capital city with a man who is a rich and successful entrepreneur, and he was giving the staff a hard time.

“Can I have your pen? I need to write something.” – said to a passing waitress.

“Pass me the salt.” – it was only a couple of inches out of his reach, and he wasn’t going to stand up so he asked the staff.

He also took a phone call while the waiter was trying to take his order. He wouldn’t order, but he wouldn’t let the waiter go until he had finished either.

Naturally he ordered items off the menu.

Thanks to Neal Stephenson I now know that the act of giving people things to do is called ‘tasking’ them. When you task someone it immediately establishes a pecking order – you’re in charge. I’ve seen it in entrepreneurs and I’ve seen it in conmen – tasking is one of the basics of being in charge. However, it can be taken to an extreme where it becomes a bad case of self-entitlement.

This guy thought he was being fair – he was just busy. He gave the pen back to the waitress who was genuinely surprised to see it again. He apologised to the waiter, saying that if he couldn’t give his order in a hurry then he’d have to leave before eating, and he liked the food there.

Okay, maybe he did explain himself, but he was remarkably self-centred about it all. But you could see that he was a natural leader – he had complete strangers doing his bidding within seconds.

Needless to say, while I am happy to provide services to this guy, there is nothing on earth that could convince me to work with him… I’ve been there before and I am not going to do it again both for my health and my sanity.

The first guy displayed too much fear and deference. He might inspire people to protect him and I guess that is a form of leadership, but not a great one.

The second guy walked into the room knowing that everyone was there to help him when he needed it. This is leadership, but it is also a form of dictatorship. It really is at the bully end of the spectrum.

As a leader, you need people to follow you. Even if you don’t feel like you are a leader, at least act like it.